The Day Captain Jack Sparrow was Beat by a Girl
by KateMarie999
Summary: A truly horrific fan fiction I wrote when I was only 13 years old in the winter of 2004. Captain Jack Sparrow somehow goes to Hawaii to pick up a badly written Mary Sue character named Trixie and then gets stranded on Gilligan's Island. Snarky author's comments included! If you want to laugh at me, please take a look!


_Hello to my readers!_

_This is a truly HORRIBLE story I wrote when I was 13 (sometime in early 2004). I am not defending its quality. The reason I'm uploading it is for your amusement so you can tell that my writing has improved quite a bit since then._

_So without further ado, enjoy the OOC versions of all your favorite characters and a Mary Sue character that makes Enoby seem realistic._

_~KateMarie999_

**Chapter One**

"Bloody ships. Sometimes they never go where you want then to go." muttered Captain Jack Sparrow as he controlled the Black Pearl.

The Black Pearl had been annoying Jack that day. There was something wrong with the steering wheel. It wasn't working and Jack was fed up with it.

Jack looked annoyed at the black clouds up ahead.

"After all the luck I've had today, a storm isn't surprising." he raged.

* * *

In the Hawaiian Islands _(A/N: Yes, apparently the Caribbean has extended to Hawaii)_, Trixie Jones looked out her window at the sea. She was the only one by the sea and it was so lonely sometimes.

What was that speck in the distance? There was a faint outlining of an old fashioned ship.

"I'm probably just day dreaming." she told herself. "After all, I'm bored silly."

* * *

"Bloody wheel! Go left! We're going to hit that deserted island!" Jack groaned.

Someone told him the wheel was fine. As if! He felt his boat spin out of his control.

"Bad days happen." said Will. "Even to Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Be quiet, Will! Get to work!"

* * *

Now Trixie was sure she wasn't dreaming. That ship was headed toward the beach.

Suddenly, something caught her eye that made her cringe. The flag had a skull and crossbones!

* * *

"Crash landing. Of course." Jack growled. "I may as well go into the deserted house. Maybe I'll find tools."

Climbing into the window, he heard a bloodcurdling scream. Looking in the corner, he saw a teenage girl, sword in hand.

"Get out! I have a sword and I know how to use it." she warned.

"You can fight?" Jack asked, bewildered.

"Since I was three!" she replied.

"I'll make a deal with you, Miss…"

"Trixie."

"Trixie, yes. Winner gets wish." _(A/N: don't ask me what that means, this story is almost ten years old)_

"Deal!"

They began to fight madly. The swords clashed loudly. Jack was surprised at Trixie's strength and skill.

"Give up yet?" asked Trixie, knowing she was winning.

"Not on your life."

Suddenly, Trixie had him pinned down, sword by his neck.

"You won!" Jack exclaimed, shocked at the fact that a red haired teenage _girl_ had gotten the best of him. _(A/N: Not to be confused with Kara from my other stories because she has, you know, a real personality)_

Trixie laughed. "I can beat my dad!"

"What do you want?"

Suddenly Jack's crew jumped in and grabbed Trixie! Screaming and struggling, she was no match for the strong arms holding her.

"Let her go!" yelled Jack, ignored by his crew.

The men took her out, on the boat, and into a cell.

* * *

Two days later, the crew forgot about the young female prisoner at the bottom. The boat was fixed and they sailed away.

Trixie gave up hope. Screaming didn't help. Nothing did. She was trapped. Through one window, she saw the sea. She sat down and began to cry.

* * *

"Should you kill the prisoner or should I? asked a strong crew member.

"I will." said Jack, thinking "what prisoner?"

Going down to the cabin, he was shocked to find a girl there, her face was facing away. _(A/N: Beautifully worded, I know. Also Jack seems to have serious issues with short term memory)_

Trixie turned around. "You again! I should have known! What are you going to do with me?"

Jack was very surprised. "Trixie!"

"That was your plan! To kill me so I won't report you! And for tools!"

"I thought they let you go after the boat was fixed!"

"Go ahead! Kill me!" shouted Trixie.

"No! I'll have to take you home!"

"You will?" Trixie whispered in pleasure.

"You think you really are needed here?" asked Jack. "You did us no harm so why kill you?"

"Thank you!" cried Trixie. "You are so kind!"

"There's only one problem!"

"What?"

"Where were we? How do we get back?"

Annoyed, Trixie groaned. "Just let me out."

Jack unlocked the cell.

"I really appreciate your kindness to me, Mr…"

"Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Why are you doing this, Mr. Sparrow?" asked Trixie. "Why didn't you kill me?"

"You didn't do anything wrong to us. I don't see why killing you would help, love. Oh, you can call me Jack."

Trixie nodded.

"So where do you live?" asked Jack.

"Hawaii. It's a group of islands." she replied.

"Say, how old are you?" asked Jack. "You look about 11."

Trixie laughed. "I'm 13!"

By that time, they were on the deck.

"You want to kill her in front of us?" asked one. "You should have tied her up?"

"I'm not going to kill her." Said Jack.

The crew stared at him. "But why?" asked Will.

"She did us no harm. I'm going to take her home. Her name is Trixie. I want you to treat her with kindness and respect. Savvy?"

Will nodded. "I'll take her in the cabin with Elizabeth, my wife." _(A/N: My 13-year-old self added her own author's note: lol! Muahahaha!)_

"Thanks again for your kindness." said Trixie as Will took her to Lizzie's cabin.

"Elizabeth! We have a guest!" said Will to Lizzie.

He showed her Trixie, who was a bit shy. Lizzie smiled and motioned for her to sit down.

"Hello Mrs. Turner." said Trixie, sitting down. _(A/N: Apparently Trixie can read minds since no one actually told her their last name) _"My name is Trixie Jones. I sorta got here by accident."

"Hello Trixie." greeted Lizzie as Will left to give the girls time to get to know each other.

"How come you and Will are here?" asked Trixie.

"Oh Jack is a good friend of ours. We've been married for ten years. Jack was a big part of it. We're really just visiting."

"I got here completely against Jack's will." She told Lizzie what happened.

"Jack didn't mention anything about a girl!"

* * *

"There's a storm up ahead, girls. Hold on. Trixie, do you get motion sickness?" asked Jack.

"Not often." Trixie replied.

"Good!" Jack ran back up on deck.

Lizzie and Trixie heard shouts up above. Running up, they saw water fill the lower level of the boat. On deck, half the boat was in the water and Jack was swimming to a little island up ahead.

"We better swim!" yelled Trixie over the noise.

Jumping into the water, she and Lizzie swam until they reached the shore. When they got there, Lizzie turned around to see the boat's tip go below the water.

"Will!" she cried. "He's gone! He didn't swim out!"

Lizzie sat down and burst into tears. _(A/N: Admittedly it has been a long time since I watched the movie but I definitely don't remember Elizabeth being this emotional)_

Trixie sat down next to her new friend. "My parents drowned in a surfing accident. One minute they were surfing on a wave, next minute, it crashes down and they don't get up." said the girl. "I was seven. I understand how you feel." _(A/N: Wow, this is getting dark all of a sudden)_

Lizzie wiped her tears. "Let's explore."

Looking around, they saw Jack on the beach, crying. _(A/N: Yeah… Jack definitely wasn't that emotional. 13-year-old me should be ashamed)_

"My crew! My ship! My friends!" he cried. "Gone! Now Trixie will never get home!" _(A/N: I think he'd be more upset because the rum is gone)_

"That's not true!" yelled Lizzie as she and Trixie ran to their friend. "We're here."

Jack was shocked. "How did you get here?"

"We swam!"

"Is anyone else here?"

"No." said Lizzie. "Everyone else drowned." She blinked back a tear. "Even Will."

"I'm sorry. To you and Trixie. I wish I could take you home." Said Jack. "It's my fault."

It was then that they noticed an attractive girl of about nineteen come up to them.

"I'm Mary Ann Summers. Who are you?"

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow and these are my friends, Elizabeth Turner and Trixie Jones."

"Do you have a boat?" pleaded Mary Ann.

"Well yes and…"

"Oh, WE'RE SAVED!" Mary Ann cried in delight.

"Well I'm afraid it's a bit late for that." Said Jack. "It sank and Mrs. Turner's husband lost his life in the shipwreck. We're the only survivors."

"Mary Ann, where are you?" called another woman's voice.

"Ginger! Ginger! We have shipwrecked visitors!" yelled back.

"A gorgeous red haired woman came out. "Oh! You're a sorry sight! Come and get washed up."

The small group went to the place around the center of the island where two men, one in blue and the other in rich fasion _(A/N: No, I don't know what that's supposed to mean)_ were playing cards.

"Where did they come from?" the one in blue jumped up.

"They were shipwrecked." replied Mary Ann.

"Skipper! I found someone!" an extremely skinny man in a sailor's hat came through with Will. "His name is William Turner." _(A/N: So let me get this straight… the ship sinks and somehow Will swims to the other side of the island instead of the shore Jack, Elizabeth, and Trixie swam to…?)_

"Will!" cried Lizzie and the two lovebirds embraced.

"I thought you were dead when we landed." cried Will in delight.

"I did too!"

"See, there's 7 of us here." said the skinny man. "But we were shipwrecked."

By that time, everyone had come out to see the strange new guests.

"We have to introduce ourselves. My name is Willy Gilligan but I'm called Gilligan. I'm from Pennsylvania." Said the skinny man.

_(A/N: The castaways from Gilligan's Island introduce themselves, which takes a lot of time and I don't want to slow this down too much)_

* * *

One day they heard a ship coming.

"We're saved!" cried Gilligan.

The ship picked up the eleven castaways. _(A/N: Evidently no more detail was needed about the kind of ship it was… it just saved them in an extremely convenient turn of events)_

"Driver?" asked Trixie. "Can you take me home?"

* * *

"I really enjoyed the time with you." Trixie smiled at Jack. "I may miss you." _(A/N: Yes, I'm sure she had a grand time being imprisoned and then stranded on an island… masochist)_

Jack smiled back. "Good bye."

"Goodbye, Jack!"

The ship shoved off. Trixie waved until it was a speck in the distance.

"I wonder if I'll ever see him again." Trixie wondered. _(A/N: Considering I wrote TWO sequels to this, apparently she does)_

It was a while until her question was answered. Until then, Trixie dreamed about her adventure.

* * *

"So Trix, what did you do for spring break?" asked Trixie's friend Ellen.

"You would not believe it, even if I told you."

"Why not?"

"Because I went everywhere with a really amazing person. His name is Jack Sparrow.

THE END

_No I will not upload the awful sequels I wrote. If you're still reading this, and I don't blame you if you're not, congratulations, you've read the worst fan fiction I ever wrote. I'm so sorry. Please see my other works to assure yourself that I can, in fact, write properly._


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